Starting to breathe again

So today I am not very "inspirational", but this is part of my journey...

Feeling a bit lost and empty, but I am having to dig deep inside, as my buddy  has moved on.  If you know me and have been following what has been going on in my world for the last 3 months then you know that on Sunday night, my dog passed away.  Sure to some a dog passes and it's no big deal, you move on.  But for those who know and appreciate the unconditional love and support they provide is priceless.

But let me step back a bit as this is more of a release for me right now (so please bear with me)...

Sipe and my story begins back in 2008.  I had just bought my first house in February of that year.  I had a plan in mind... get the house, got the new car, got the promotion at work, get the dog, get my bike, then find the girl.  I thought it was a solid plan.

So I had moved into my home, and I started looking around for boxers.  You see I have a special place in my heart for boxers, as me and my brothers had them before when we lived together, but I had never had a "dog of my own".  So I started searching, and while I was searching Sipe found me.

Sipe was a 4 month old lil "Knucklehead" that was like a lil piece of velcro on my leg.  Every where I would go he was stuck to my leg.  Even though I was looking at the lil ones he was by my side the whole time.  I had told myself that I was NOT coming home with a dog that day, and I did not.  BUT instead I went shopping for the essentials of bringing home one.  Because I knew that the lil white "knucklehead" with big brown spots around his eye had already picked me.

 So I brought him home and thus we started our adventure...

We went thru what every boxer parent goes thru, the destruction, the training, and we went thru alot of schooling, we were fortunate enough to meet a fantastic trainer, Rita.  Sipe stole her heart right away.  But you see he had a habit of doing that.  He knew how cute he was and milked it for everything it was worth.

Anyways... Sipe was great he was always there by my side, and we would go everywhere together.  He rode great in the car, he was great with kids, and he always knew when I needed a hug!

Here is a link if you want to see some of Sipe growing up...Sipe's Flickr photos

So we move forward  The last 3 months he and I dealt with quite a bit.  But we where dealing with everything one day at a time.  You see I had started my DDPYoga journey back in September 2012, which probably saved me from the downward track I was on.  But we ran into a situation back on April 7th, that would be the start of changing both of our lives.  But we managed to work thru that and ya'll know the rest of the story, but here are the cliff notes... Salmonella poisoning from tainted dog food, and then diagnosed with Stage 3 aggressive Lymphoma.  During this time, I had to keep myself  grounded and try and maintain some sort of sanity.  There was little that I could do with all of this going on.  But I did what I could and Sipe was right there working with me.  You see something that I learned from DDPYoga, and more specifically, Diamond Dallas Page, and I have taken to heart is to "Live Life at 90%"  Sometimes that is harder to do than it is to say it.  But understanding that the 10% of what happens in life and the other 90% is how you deal with it, more specifically how you "React, Adapt, Take Action, and Breathe" thru it.

I was trying to do a little of each but at times I felt like I was waiting to "Breathe" again.  We set up an Indiegogo account  to raise some money for the local Boxer rescue.   Why would we do this you may ask... Well it was 2 fold.  One to keep me focused on something other than what was happening, because I needed to have something besides work that Sipe and I could do in Honor of him.  And Two, to bring a lil awareness to canine cancer, and to help out others boxers find their forever home.  I know there are a lot of good people out there that could give a special boxer a home like if not better than Sipe had.  Now you may wonder where did I dream this up from, well it rolls back around to DDPYoga, and what DDP had already done for his buddies Jake and Scott.  I thought if he could do it, there was no reason I couldn't do it.

So we did and I was getting worried that we wouldn't complete the campaign before Sipe left me.  But Sipe made it thru the campaign and we did pretty good.  But I knew that his time was running out.  He still had a lil wiggle in him, and he would sing with me while I played my harmonica, but he was getting weaker.  Then came July 7th.  That was exactly 3 months after the initial "situation" occurred.  And that Sunday was one of the hardest days.  The night before I was up with him until around 3 am, and knew our time together was coming to a close, as he was acting like he did when he was a puppy.

So I continued to fall back to the "Live Life @ 90%" I was reacting to the situation, trying very hard to adapt, taking action, by taking care of my buddy, but I still felt like I was waiting to breathe.  Then the moment happened at 9:37pm.  I was there with my lil "Knucklehead" as he took his last breath.

Now I don't tell you all this for sympathy, but more for myself as a way to document.  Also to let you know that we CAN deal with anything.  Why because we have to.  There are some things in life that we cannot control, as life will happen when it is suppose to.  But we can always take the steps to "React" to the events,  "Adapt" to the situation, "Take action" to make a difference or a change, and remind ourselves to "Breathe".  Which was the one thing I kept trying to do over the last 3 months. But it seemed I could not catch my breath.  But today Tuesday July 9th I think I am breathing again.  not completely, but that will come in time.  But little by little I am able to catch my breath again.

So now that I have went all over the place in this blog post.. My final thoughts are simple Breathe... It's not only people that come into our lives but pets too.  Though I never considered Sipe a pet, as he was part of my family.  But he was here for a "Reason", and he will remain in my heart for a lifetime.

Will I be a better person because of the time that Sipe was with me, will the events that happened change me forever, will Sipe's life be remembered?  I don't know the answers to those and the many other questions that are running through my mind.  But I do know that Sipe will be remembered, and I will continue to work on being a better person.  Will it change me, well every event changes us all in one way or another... BUT it is all up to us on how we let it.  So I will continue to work at Living Life at 90%, it still sounds pretty good to me.  And I am starting to breathe again, so that's a good start.